Moo

So it came to pass that one day a young person named Charlie sought the wisdom of Baby Dinosaur Jesus to have answered a question that had plagued his people for many years.

When Charlie came in to the presence of BDJ he sayethed: Oh great and wise Baby Dinosaur Jesus, most exhaulted one, bringer of the great libations of vodka, beer, gin, whiskey, and tequila, vanquisher of Justin who is evil and wanted to cause all sorts of mayham, savior of...

And Baby Dinosaur Jesus inturrupted him with a soft "ROAARR"

And His apostle, Val, sayeth to Charlie "Get on with it, will you"

And Charlie said "Oh, right. Erm... Baby Dinosaur Jesus, please tell me, when will the cows come home?"


And Baby Dinosaur Jesus spake unto Charlie and he said "Tuesday"


And Charlie went forth to his homeland and told his people of the wisdom of BDJ and there was much rejoicing.

BDJ and the Druids

There came to pass that rumors of non-believers reached the ears of Baby Dinosaur Jesus. His apostle, Joe, sayeth to him: "o Baby Dinosaur Jesus! We have heard of strange persons in the lands of Ire and Scot. These persons wear long grey dresses and grow long grey beards and sit around humming slightly. Thinketh thou that they could use the benefit of your teachings, oh great and wise one?"

And BDJ thought this over and nodded his ascent, for he had been considering where to next bring his message. In sooth these persons of the land of Ire and Scot needed just such a savior as BDJ was. So BDJ set off to the north with his apostles, James' Son, Jack and Val.

The four traveled for 9 and 60 days and nights and the journey was seldom easy, but often productive. They came upon many peoples who were glad to accept the Baby Dinosaur Jesus into their hearts and help the weary travelors. And, of course, every Day of Satur, they would rest and celebrate the glory of Him.

Presently they came upon the land of Scot and there they found many men in long grey dresses and long grey beards sitting around a henge humming softly. And Baby Dinosaur Jesus roared a mighty roar. And the men in dresses continued to sit around and hum.

Baby Dinosaur Jesus bade his apostles to go forth and find some such thing as would bring these men out of their trance. So Jack, James' Son and Val fell to searching the surrounding area and soon they came upon great wood barrels wherein they found a strange liquid made from grains. Jack then lowered his head into one barrel and taketh a sip. "Praise Baby Dinosaur Jesus" sayeth Jack, "Tis a healthsome liquid. It produces such euphoria as our holy waters which we use to celebrate the sabbath!"

And sayeth BDJ: "Taketh this strange drink and feed it to the humming men. Mayhap it shall wake them from their trance and breathe into them some life."

And so it came to pass that BDJ and his apostles helped the grey men to drink from the barrels. And no sooner had the liquid passed their lips did the men stand up and dance.

One of the men approacheth the Baby Dinosaur Jesus and he said to him "Praised be ye who hath opened our eyes to the life giving qualities of our distilled grain, which shall henceforth be known as The Water of Life, or Whiskey. We are forever indebted to you and shall follow your word with pleasure and rejoicement for it is clear that you are great. Consider now all the druids in the land of Ire and Scot your humble followers"

And thus did the Baby Dinosaur Jesus save the druids. And, as they were indeed very loyal followers, BDJ declared that whiskey be counted a holy drink to be imbibed on the Holy Day of Satur.

Holy Liquids

And so it came to pass that four men approached the Baby Dinosaur Jesus, each bearing gifts that they may present unto Him. The first man carried with him a loaf of bread, the second a cane of sugar, the third berries of the juniper tree and the fourth a potato.

Sayeth the men: "O Baby Dinosaur Jesus! Verily though you are in our hearts every day as we toil through our lives, is there a day more holy than others that we may focus especially on the worship of thyself, and that we may use as an excuse to set aside our work and rejoice in thy glory?"

Sayeth Baby Dinosaur Jesus: Yea, verily. Praise me especially on the day of the Satur. More especially in the evening wherein thou shalt partake in the miracles which I shall now bestow unto thee.

And BDJ roared at the first man and his bread became liquid. Thus was created beer!

And BDJ gnashed his teeth at the the second man and his sugar became liquid. Thus was created rum!

And BDJ thrashed his great tail at the third man and his berries became liquid. Thus was created gin!

And BDJ blinked his yellow eyes at the fourth man and his potato became liquid. Thus was created vodka.

BDJ = teh kewl

Origins

And all the dinosaurs begot the baby jesus (our lord) and died in childbirth (yes, all of them. Baby Dinosaur Jesus is that cool) and Man ruled the world that they might worship Him, our lord, Baby Dinosaur Jesus.

It came to be that Justin came down to earth to cause mayhem. (And not even the good kind. The bad kind of mayhem that nobody likes. Something like itchy bums, but he didn't have an exact plan).

And Baby Dinosaur Jesus said to him "RRROOAAWWRRRR!"

And sayeth Justin: Oh yeah! I have sparks that fly out of my gloves!

And sayeth BDJ: "RRWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

And sayeth Justin: Ok, well, if you put it that way.

And so the world was saved from great evil and the worst kind of mayem. Praised be Baby Dinosaur Jesus.